By R.A. Mathews

 

She sat in the hallway crying. 

This woman had a dream to be a writer — more specifically, to write screenplays to share the Lord with others. She had already completed her schooling in another field but wanted to take a class in writing. So, she had come to this college in her hometown to sign up and pay for the class.

Instead, she sat in the hall crying. “I’m not good enough,” she said to herself.

The registrar saw her sitting there and came out. Hearing her distress, this college official encouraged her, and she finally filled out the paperwork. 

But her fear the night of the first class was worse. She froze in the hall, afraid to go inside. She watched as one student after another glided into the classroom. She looked at her watch, knew the class was starting, eyed a middle-aged student hurrying through the classroom doorway, and found herself following, taking a seat beside the lady. 

This class, she had so badly feared, turned into a wonderful experience. Not only did the professor celebrate her work, but the older classmate encouraged her to compete in the state’s annual writing competition. 

“I definitely wasn’t doing that,” she said. 

The day of the deadline, she grabbed a screenplay, mailed it, and weeks later received a $100 check. She had placed third.

“A fluke,” she said. 

“A fluke,” she said the next year when she placed again. 

“Still a fluke?” a friend asked when she placed the third year. 

Those awards gave her courage and she traveled to a national screenwriters’ conference in Austin, Texas, where she met the vice president of Columbia Pictures. 

“Send me the screenplays!” he said, when he learned of the awards, giving her his address. But she was young and didn’t do it, certain they weren’t good enough. 

Self-doubt isn’t anything new. One of my favorite moments in Scripture occurs when Jesus gave Peter a miracle and we see just how vulnerable Peter is. This story is heartfelt. Here’s what happened:  

Jesus was teaching by the Sea of Galilee and the crowd pressed in on Him trying to hear. So, Jesus climbed into a fishing boat that belonged to Peter and asked him to push out a little from land. Jesus then sat down to teach. 

When he finished, he told Peter, “Launch out into the deep and let out your nets for a catch.” 

“Master, we’ve toiled all night and caught nothing,” Peter said. “Nevertheless, at Your word, I’ll let down the net.”

The catch was so great that Peter’s net began to break. He signaled to his partners, James and John, to bring another boat. But the fish overwhelmed both boats which began to sink. 

That’s when it happened. 

Peter fell to his knees before Jesus. “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord.”

If you read this passage quickly, you may think Peter was afraid of Jesus. Not so. Read on.

Luke tells us Peter was astonished by the catch of fish. Clearly, it represented a lot of work and a lot of money. So why did Peter tell Jesus to go away? 

“Depart from me,” Peter said, “for I am a sinful man…”

The great Baptist preacher Charles Spurgeon said, “Simon Peter thought himself quite unworthy.”  Peter was filled with the same shame as the woman who wanted to write movies—I am not good enough.

How did Jesus answer Peter?

“Do not be afraid,” He said. “From now on you will catch men.” Indeed, years later Peter’s first sermon brought 3,000 to Christ (Luke 5:1-10, Acts 2:14-41).

But it began with this decision at this moment. Peter had to climb over his fear of not being good enough, unlike the writer who buried her screenplays. 

That writer was me. 

In fact, I wrote my first newspaper column only because I owed a friend a favor, but I said, “No one is ever going to want it!” 

Ten years later, this column has been published over 6,000 times in newspapers across the nation. It has given me the confidence to work every day on making those Christian movies happen.

Self-doubt is everywhere. 

Some say, “I can’t go to church — my hair isn’t done, I have nothing to wear, my car is old, I’ve gained weight.” 

Others say, “I can’t volunteer,” “Can’t join the Bible study,” “Can’t lead the youth group,” “Can’t apply for that job,” “Can’t ask the girl to dinner.”

I am not good enough. 

But Jesus told Peter: “Do not be afraid.”

Confront your fear. Repeat Scripture aloud: “God has not given [me] a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7).

You’ll never know what God has for you if you don’t face your self-doubt.

Jesus said, “Do not be afraid.”

Look for the Rev. R.A. Mathews at RAMathews.com where you can contact her and read her biography and samples of her books. Copyright © 2018, 2025 R.A. Mathews